Tightening in my stomach. Shortened breath. Pursed lips. Furrowed brow. Feverish. When I pay attention, I notice these changes in my body as others share their views on my performance. Meanwhile, my mind becomes reactive, dismissive, unbelieving, defensive, critical, and ready to pounce in counterattack. It doesn't matter if the other person is a supervisor, professor, spouse - the unconscious response is all the same. I am well prepared to either fight or flee.
I know this will almost always be my initial response, yet I continually go out of my way to seek feedback. Not because I like it, but because I know that it can expand my horizons.
I know that this will not happen at first. I need to wait out my own defenses of body and mind. Eventually, I get to a place where I can examine the feedback without the need to respond to it. In that space, I can more fully appreciate the perspective of the other. I may ultimately agree or disagree, usually somewhere in between. In any case, it is always a helpful opportunity to expand my understanding of self and other. From a stance of mindfulness and humility, I become stronger.
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