A Sturdy Ship for a Stormy Sea

Clarissa Pinkola Estes,  in a work of prose-poetry Do Not Lose Heart, We Were Made for These Times, asserts:

"One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times...To display the lantern of the soul in shadowy times like these - to be fierce and to show mercy toward others, both - are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it."

Authenticity. We become who we are by staying true to our light within, which at times takes immense courage.

While the soaring language graciously offered by Clarissa Pinkola Estes may be or feel directed to the penultimate challenges of our individual lives and our many failed attempts to live peaceably together on our one planet we all call home, it also strikes me as a call to everyday leadership in ordinary times. She adds:

"One of the most important steps you can take to help calm the storm is to not allow yourself to be taken in a flurry of overwrought emotion or despair - thereby accidentally contributing to the swale and the swirl. Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul...will help immensely." 

If we are at work 40 hours a week for 48 weeks a year for 40 years, we will spend over 75,000 hours or 8.5 years at work in our lifetime. We are encultured to operate under the principle that we can/should check most of our humanity at the office door - to not be truly who we are for over 75,000 hours of our life! (And that is just talking about the work environment!) Applying a modicum of common sense thinking, how silly to think that such a significant chunk of our time here on this earth is somehow separate from everything else that happens in our individual and communal lives. And yet, how often do we boil leadership down to transactional management? To be clear, leadership and management are different things with different purposes.


Leadership requires us to acknowledge that what happens "out there" always influences what happens "in here" and vice versa, whether we are talking about the false dichotomy between the economy and institutions of higher education, home and work, external action and internal thought, self and other, and so on and so on. As whole human beings living integrated lives, we all cycle between hopes and fears, opportunities and threats, unsettling storms and enlivening sunrises - at all times. We are, after all, the unfolding universe, literally the children of stars. We are so much more than the narrow definitions and roles and compartments we are so quick to accept.

The work of leadership requires us to first cultivate our inner light, to grow our courage to let it shine, to develop a sturdiness and resilience of mind, body, and spirit. Only then will we be prepared to fully show up and make a difference in whatever situation we face. To bring clarity and calm and connection - in both ordinary and penultimate times - in the lives of individuals, organizations and communities that we serve is the outward facing work of leadership. To create space and opportunity for individuals, and teams, and communities to catch their inner light. To cultivate bravery and hope to let it shine.

As Clarissa Pinkola Estes concludes:

"In that spirit, I hope you will write this on your wall: When a great ship is in harbor and moored, it is safe, there can be no doubt. But...that is not what great ships are built for." 

Fidgeting,Tension, and Lethargy at Work

Check in with yourself right now. Without making any adjustments, notice how your body feels. Notice what’s on your mind and heart. Notice the level of your energy and inspiration

Now, stand up. Root your feet firmly and calmly to the ground hip width apart. Gently rotate your hip points upward. Open your chest. Gently rotate your shoulders back and down. Extend your arms down your side. Gently rotate your palms to face forward. Lengthen upward your spinal cord and neck. Subtly lift your chin. Relax the muscles of the jaw, cheeks and brow. Fix your eyes on the horizon. Feel your whole body as one, standing in a focused, calm, and energized posture. Inhale slowly and deeply. Exhale slowly and deeply.

Staying in mountain pose, gently shut your eyes. Visualize the sun rising on the horizon. Feel the warmth of the rays on your face and palms. Feel the energy of the new day sinking into your bones.

Imagine the sun. A massive unfurling of energy, billions of years old, huge and dense, a powerful center that steadies the orbit of all that surrounds it. Embody the sun. Feel powerful. Feel centered. Feel timeless.

Now open your eyes. Go forward and do whatever it is that you need to do - focused, calm, and energized.

--

Our body and our mind shapes our brain, our brain shapes our body and our mind. Thereby, fidgeting can be seen as a cause and an effect of a restless unfocused mind. Muscle tension a cause and an effect of bodily stress and strain. Lethargy a cause and an effect of a dull unawakened spirit.

At any time you can flip the script. Pause and check in with yourself throughout the day. Stand tall in mountain pose and see the bright centering sun. Create calm, focus and energy. It will serve you and your work well.

Unscripted: McNair Director Lives in Own World

"The line between passion and mania is thin." - Albert Einstein (or was it Lincoln?), as quoted on Facebook.

--

It's another May day in Tower Hall 2139. On the far side of the tall cracked window, the sun is shining. A fresh blanket of snow sparkles on Daisy Hill. Inside, McNair Director Troy Abfalter stands in repose, staring off at the sun shadows playing on Lake Superior this morning. 

To his left, atop a standing desk, his computer monitor awaits a response to an email. Something about an annual report for the division. Some documents to review. An invitation to an assessment meeting. 

I'm in his office to do an interview for the campus newspaper, The Script. Five minutes ago, I asked him a question about what he does here at the college. He's been staring out the window ever since. 

Finally, he replies. "You know, resting as awareness brings a beautiful sense of inner clarity and peace."  

I nod my head, though I'm not quite sure what to do with this. So I soldier on. 

"I see on the McNair website that you all help students do research and apply to graduate school. Can you tell me more about that?"

Two minutes pass. 

"I appreciate you and your question," he says. "I don't help students. I enliven human potential."

"The universe has been unfolding for 13 billion years. It's a beautiful thing. Each of us is born as a mighty force, a love child of all that has passed and all that may be, alive here in this moment."

He pauses, tilts his head, and looks into my eyes. Is he expecting me to say something? This is really awkward. 

Finally, he continues, "You have all that you need already inside of you." Making airy hand gestures, he adds, "I can point my finger at the moon. I can be a reflecting pond. I can voyage with you into the wilderness."

Returning his gaze out the window, Abfalter takes a dramatic inhale and exhale. 

"That is what I do at the college," he concludes, nodding his self-satisfaction.

Turning back to me, a big smile suddenly comes across his face. Something about it isn't quite right. His mouth is crookedly curled upward, his eyes look confused, as if they are not sure what to do. 

"Go, my friend. Become who you are. I can't wait to celebrate with you!"

--

I left that interview with some unanswered questions. Well, that's not quite accurate. I left that interview with all unanswered questions. 

However, as a highly skilled investigative reporter,  I did collect one piece of information from that interview that was actually useful. Next to his desk was a yellowed article from the old student newspaper, The Cable. The article at top was titled, "Al-Bob Found Amid Controversy." 

Hitting the institutional archives the next day, I discovered that Abfalter was in fact a student here (long ago). Most mentions of him were respectable enough: cross country team captain, Webster scholar, blah blah blah. Not very interesting. 

The puzzle pieces didn't quite line up. As an ace reporter with an incredible sense of intuition, I just knew: there is something wilder going on here. 

Scanning the archives and cold calling various alumni, all I could muster were shadowy allusions and hearsay rumors. Students spelunking under campus buildings. Someone rappelling off Tower Hall. Construction equipment mysteriously moving across campus in the middle of the night. The Master Key - as in THE Master Key - simply disappearing. 

As best I could tell, all of this happened when Abfalter was a student here. Could this be simple coincidence, or is this guy shadier than we are led to believe? 

In 2005, Abfalter disappeared without a trace for a decade. An anonymous source tells me that he spent those years high in the mountains, riding llamas, studying Eastern philosophy, and working through his disappointment that he was born too late to attend Woodstock. 

Fast-forward to August of 2015. Through some ineffable series of events, Abfalter returns to Duluth and is hired by the college. 

"It was a tight job market," explains Vice-President of Student Affairs Steve Lyons. "He was the only alumnus to apply for the job."

--

Last week, I sat down for an interview with McNair staff members Rachel Phelps-Horton and Julian Vela. 

"Working with Troy is kind of unique," says Phelps-Horton. "At first he seems like a straight-laced administrator. He's always harping on data entry procedures, timely submission of our reports, stuff like that. But then we go to a work conference, and he is the first one out on the reception dance floor, and I'm like whoa." 

"I used to work in the corporate world," adds Vela. "So I'm not used to starting a meeting with meditation or talking about my spirit and inner wisdom on a performance review. He's kind of a strange director." 

"Julian, do you remember that time when Troy started doing yoga in the middle of our meeting?"

"Yeah, so get this. We're talking about usual meeting stuff - I think plans for the summer program or something - when he just lays down," replies Vela. 

"Of course, we were sitting in an open 'talking circle' so he is laying on the floor between us. Then he says its time for shavasana to 'quiet the mental chatter and listen for a heart-felt solution,' or something like that."

"He laid there for about ten minutes," says Phelps-Horton. "I thought he fell asleep."

"I personally don't mind all the meditation and yoga stuff during meetings. I usually just shut my eyes and catch a quick nap," adds Vela with a yawn. 

"Troy always 'invites' us to work as 'whole human beings.' So we talk about all sorts of fun things at our one-on-one meetings: cooking, world travel, miniature horses, living off the land," says Phelps-Horton. 

"He just sits and listens. Although sometimes I wonder if he is actually listening or do some sort of meditation."

"And then the work day ends," Vela concludes. "He's usually in his office with the door closed when I leave. Who knows what happens next?"

--

Yesterday, I went for walk on the trails behind campus. Despite the spring snows, small bits of green poked through the mud and brown leaves. 

On a sunny hillside, I came across Abfalter, hunched near the ground. I said hi and - you know, just out of curiosity - asked what he was up to. 

"I'm harvesting wild leeks because I am going to Woodstock tomorrow."

Of course he is. 

It is official, Troy Abfalter lives in his own world. 

Abfalter playing air guitar at a faculty-staff meeting

*Unscripted is the annual edition of the student newspaper written entirely in satire. This is my 2019 contribution to this fine a tradition. 

Prana Follows Focus, Part II

"Essentially, modern life takes the jumpy, distractible 'monkey mind' we all started with and feeds it steroids." - Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius, Buddha Brain

"Who you are, what you think, feel, and do , what you love - is the sum of what you focus on." Winifred Gallagher, Rapt

Call it what you will - spirit, animus, prana, chi, life-force, motivation. It is the spark that lights your fire. It is the whisper beckoning you forth. It is  the life bubbling up inside of you. It is the inspiration you feel. It is the turning, the growing, the striving to become who you are. It is universal potential energy, embodied in the here and now, in You. 

And it can be easily squandered, diluted, hushed, starved, ignored. Distraction. Fear. Not knowing who we truly are, the mighty force we are born as. Life lived by email. 

Prana follows focus. It drives you forward in whatever direction or directions that you choose. 

How do you work? How do you communicate to colleagues? How do you treat those around you day in and day out? 

Turn down the noise. Focus on what matters. Act with intention. Be not afraid to be who you are - at home, at work, at life.