"The workplace is your place to take ownership and responsibility for the feelings you are having," says Amanda Gilbert. "If you're frustrated, if you're annoyed, or if you're upset, being at work provides an opportunity to more skillfully navigate these feelings, and more skillfully move into action around these feelings."
Recently I participated in a conflict at work. After the initial interactions, I felt bound up and stressed for days about the situation. Negative emotions swirled through me in response. What bothered me most, though, was the fact that the I continued to dwell and swirl and feel heated, and I couldn't stop the tide of negativity inside of me. My thinking mind knew that my negative ongoing response was far oversized to the scope of the initial interaction, but my emotive mind just could not let go. As Buddhists say, the second dart of suffering (self-inflicted secondary effect) is often greater than the first dart of suffering (the original cause).
"The first step is to just become aware of your initial reaction," Gilbert says. "Then you can actually see if this is a habitual way of reacting to this person or this project or this situation, regardless of just what happened."
I finally found relief when I turned inward, named and examined my internal reaction. From that vantage point, I am able to see more clearly what triggered my strong negative swell of emotion (perceived negativity and drama). I am able to recognize my habitual response (to disengage from the interaction and internalize). I am able to see that my perception and my response is within my control, my responsibility. And I am able to develop internal strategies and external follow-up to do better next time.
Looking back, there was an eye roll, I disengaged, then I fumed. What if I instead took a deep breath and engaged. "I noticed the eye roll. What's going on?" Most likely, we would have come to an understanding on the spot, saving me seven days of distress.
*Quotes from "Mindfulness in the Workplace: Conflict Management" by Stephen Jackson on October 21, 2017. Found at https://seed.co/blog/Mindfulness_and_Conflict.
